Creating Preferred Realities
Contributed by Jim Thiemens and Gary Eyring
A preferred reality can be as simple as an individual stating what it is they want, or a state of being they want to change or move to. It could also be a team, or a system as large as a company or a nation, that is moving to a preferred reality or a preferred state of being.
THE FIRST STEP in the process is to truthfully acknowledge and clearly state what it is we are now being and doing, or what is the “current reality”. Then, with as much truth and clarity as we can, state what we want to become (having) or the "preferred reality ”. This can be the most challenging step of the process and may require some facilitation.
For Example:
- Being: cluttered and fearful thinking
- Doing: disorganized, overwhelmed, or avoiding conflict
- Having (preferred reality): more peace, clarity of purpose, wanting to "win" instead of fearing to lose, or action towards better results
THE SECOND STEP is to identify, define and assign the responsibilities necessary to get to the preferred reality.
For example:
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if the responsibility is "cleaning out the trash" (a metaphor referring to ridding ourselves of unhealthy thinking), it is important to define what trash is, where it is, and a schedule for taking it out.
THE THIRD STEP, once the responsibilities are identified and assigned - is to define the accountabilities.
- if the responsibility is "cleaning out the trash" (fearful thinking) there needs to be clear agreements (see "Making Agreements") as to what is needed from others (or myself) to accomplish the preferred reality and what do I give back in return.
- First, I need to have trash bags (what), then I need to have an agreement with others/or myself to put the trash in the bags in various locations (where) and I need to have a timeframe (when) to have it hauled away. You can see a large amount of agreement making is required to do this seemingly simple job.
- Finally, the physical result of "cleaning out the trash" (the preferred reality) is a clean space, freer movement and more order. Personally, the "having" may be peace, clarity, fearlessness, possibility thinking, and action towards better results.
The is the process in moving to a new or preferred reality. It may only involve one person (myself), but more than likely requires responsibilities and accountabilities from others in order to reach the preferred reality. This "accountability from others and contribution to others" is the essence of teamwork.
It is important to remember that the entity that is manipulating may be acting this way because of a bad experience where they were behaving “overtly” (in the open) with clarity. Their behavior became suppressed by another or others, leaving the entity’s only avenue of expression, in their reality, to covertly manipulate.
As you move to the preferred reality it then it comes the fulfillment of the cycle: Being, Doing, and Having.
