Your Account:
1. Know my intention: learn & grow versus protect & defend. In any situation I can choose my intention. I get back what I put out. If I choose defensiveness, I will get it back to me.
2. Accountable I: I speak only for myself; I control only my own actions.
3. Go first: If I lead with openness and truth telling, others will follow. If I want change, I’ll go first.
4. Active listening: Connection comes from being present to those with whom I communicate.
5. Congruency: Trust develops when my thoughts, words feelings and actions are aligned.
6. Check my story: "Truth" is somewhere between my truth and the other person’s. Before taking action, verify that my perceptions are accurate.
7. 1st truth 1st: Sharing my thoughts and feelings in the moment (not about the future or past) creates a connection from which trust can be built.
8. Levels of openness - tell more truth: My fear of feeling ignored, humiliated or rejected is the root cause of my defensive behaviors.
9. No blaming or shaming-work to understand: Harshness is the enemy of awareness. What is my part? I cannot change you and your part; I can change only myself.
10. No "buts": Positive feedback is negated when followed by "but…" "And…" builds on any previous statement.
11. Be aware of my defenses: Awareness of my defense systems allows me to create an environment of safety within which to be authentic.
12. 1% rule: There is always a kernel of truth: Considering that some part of what is said might be true, allows me to receive feedback with less defensiveness.